I can’t say I’m a romantic person myself but I love the idea of romance.
It’s a bit contradicting to my first sentence, but for a very long time, I am personally not that fond of it for myself. Though I admit I was entertaining any possibility of being in a lasting relationship by accepting suitors I’m a bit interested in knowing, answering phone calls and replying to messages, but all of these “try-outs” ended up with me being disgusted with the idea. If you care to know why, let’s just say it’s just that I haven’t yet met the one that was made for me.
I am absolutely not a reliant person. I love not being obliged to give updates of my daily affairs to anyone. I like being able to spend a lot of time on anything I think of doing aside from work, like reading, binge-watching, recording some of my favorite songs by midnight and unlimited karaoke time with my friends. I am perfectly enjoying my life. Yet lately, there are times I’m disheartened by the fact that I share no love interest with anyone in it, unlike many girls of my age.
Let me introduce myself. I am a bookworm and a movie buff. I read and watch a lot of things but most of them are full of romance – women happily ending up with an attractive gentlemen that took their breaths away with their gorgeous smiles, gallant expressions of love and honest poetic words. Like every other girl who shares the same interests as mine, I am always identified as a “perfectionist” when it comes to it. They blame the books I read and the movies I watch, the designs of a perfect romance, as the causes of me being single and instantly losing enthusiasm in courtship. Well, I disclose they are right.
I am nowhere near perfection, but isn’t it lovely to think of having your feet swept away with a man who loves music, who can both speak to you politically and laugh frivolously at your silly jokes? A man who will definitely leave his job aside and take you out-of-town just so could rant about your arrogant workmate, cry about your dead puppy, or talk about your mountain of disappointments. A man who would rather watch you wander around the bookstore for five hours every day than sipping at a bar with his friends he hasn’t seen for a long time. A man with a charming smile that lightens up every embarrassment, makes you want to conquer all your fears because he thinks you can be great in many things. A man who reads T.S Elliot to you by sunset, plays guitar to you by moonlight, and serves you an aromatic coffee in the morning. A man who looks at you like you are the most beautiful thing he has laid his eyes on, like he sees your soul and loves every bit of your flaws. A man, who, if not nonexistent, is living in an undiscovered island to shut himself from the world.
I don’t blame the movies and the books for creating such gentlemen, but I am perfectly aware that nothing is perfect in this world and I am, ofcourse, not expecting I would find it. I just hope one day, I will be finding someone that I will be braving all my fears for. I just hope I would fall in love one day. In love not infatuated. I think in almost 24 years of my life, I can finally separate love from infatuation. I long to feel and be pulled down uncontrollably into someone’s gravity. To be deeply in love with a man even after you’ve seen his best and worst.
Though there are moments I can be sentimental about being single and hope that I will find the one anytime soon, I am anything but impatient. I know that though I might think I’m ready, I’m not. I’m clumsy, and there’s an awful big chance for me to say some foolish words and scare him away.
I am aware that the Lord holds the master plan. I know that He has, long ago, written my love story. Though the one might be imperfect, I will love him perfectly for His ways are perfect (Psalm 18:30), and for me to receive the instruction of this master plan of romance, I must first take His desires to be my own desires. If I keep my focus on Him, I will see His lead to where the one is. By then, I will be able to understand why he hadn’t come to the scene when the wrong ones did.
Though I honestly hope he can come sooner, I am in no rush. I am waiting, just like how the moon waits for the sun to set before it shines. You may ask how will I know if the one that comes in is really the one. Well, I will, because there will be no need for me to try and choose to love him, it is inevitable. I won’t have to train myself looking at the good things he can do and look away from his flaws for I will love them too. I believe that the love that is meant for you, though has to be taken care of, does not require force or great effort. You don’t have to choose to love the one, it is natural, because you are made for him and he was made for you.
I have no idea when and how he’ll come just like everyone else, but I am sure he will, and whatever decoration I may be able to put into the idea of my romantic affair, it would not matter if he finally walks in. For now, all I can do is make myself worthy of his love and the Lord’s plan for us when it’s finally our turn to play our parts in His design.