Box of Chocolates

It has almost been two years ago since I graduated from college with the hopes that I will finally be landing my feet on the road to becoming a successful media practitioner. Yet, until now, I am not sure of where I wanna be.

I was always that kind of girl who had a strong sense of identity. I knew what I wanted to be as a youngster – a famous news anchor and a journalist. I used to be standing in front of a mirror watching myself talk about sensible things and imagining the cameras and lights on me. I wanted to be able to go anywhere in the world gathering and telling stories of people and the events surrounding them.  Where has the girl I used to be gone? I am clueless, just as I am clueless about what I want to do now.

You’ll never guess what I’m up to today. I am in my family’s air conditioning business as an accounting officer. Yep, accounting. This might be the last thing I would want to be involved in before I leave Earth. “Life is like a box of chocolates, you’ll never know what you’re gonna get.”, as Forest Gump says. This might be the reason why I’m not a big fan of chocolates. Who would’ve thought that I’d be doing something I’ve always avoided to do?

Don’t get me wrong, my job isn’t bad. I’m learning a lot from it everyday. I think I’m now better in math, or at least in counting. I developed my attention to minute details. My memory has evidently improved too. That, and more. I just think that this is not exactly right for me. I’m not supposed to be sitting in the same table everyday and doing stuff in patterns. The things I do now are definitely opposite from myself. If my patience is shorter that it is now, I would have flown to rainbow land and left all these stuff hanging, never looking back. I cannot afford to do that now. I cannot betray my relatives and bring their hopes down. I cannot settle for a minimum wage somewhere else when my parents terribly need my financial help while my siblings are in college. There are a lot of considerations right now and I feel caged and I allow myself to be. Even if I leave this field, I’m not sure I still want to be part of the media afterwards. I’m totally blank. Uninhabited by ideas and dreams. The Lord seem to have emptied my mind. I’m beating myself up for being lame and boring and unproductive for quite long. My life is colorless.

I remember when my 19-year old brother once told me that I should be taking life easy, that I should realize I’m young. It hit me. Life won’t always be like this. I will be landing where I’m supposed to be when everything, including my senses, are ready. I may not have it all figured out now, but I will, eventually. I think that is the most amazing thing about life – you have to take it one day at a time. Everyday is a surprise. I’m sure I’ll be waking up one day certain of where I was destined to be and will be there right away. I will, by then, understand that the momentary stops are essential in building who I am as preparations to my ultimate fate. I should be laid-back and be comforted in the fact that I am young, there are a lot for me to learn and I won’t be able to gather them in one place alone.

I am speaking for girls and boys of my age, who crams into life thinking they should, by now, be someone they want to be or have everything figured out. We’re like picking up all the building blocks of our life and trying to hold  it in our hands all at the same time. No intentions of pausing, to put one block in place before picking another to lessen the load. Life is a series of surprises, let us enjoy these. Some may walk towards their fate barefoot, some in shoes or maybe wheels, some in baby steps. The only thing we have in common is that we are going to learn something important in every place we pass through. These things are significant pieces of our lives. We have to pay attention. It’ll all make sense soon. Life is indeed a box of chocolates.


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